The Yin/Yang of Love

Got the call at 7:50 this morning and knew something was wrong. No one calls when I'm getting the kids ready for school unless it's bad news. And there was no possible way my 14 yr old son could have made it to school on his bike so fast.

Could hardly hear the woman over the sound of traffic digitally amplified through her cell, informing me my son had been in a bike accident. I finally got that he was pretty badly battered, but conscious. He was bleeding, she said, quite a bit, but seemed in tact. The moment I got where they were, and before she finished speaking, I put the phone on the kitchen table, called for my daughter to come with me and we got in my car and went to my son a few blocks away.

He was sitting on the curb when I pulled up behind the car I later found out belonged to the good folks who stopped to help my kid. They were in traffic and saw him on the side of the road crying and bleeding, his bike crumpled in front of him. I managed to get out of my car without faltering, and my son managed to stand so we could hug, feel each other, body to body, soul to soul.

“I don't know what happened,” my newly taller than me kid cried into my shoulder. “I didn't see the trash can. They're usually out tomorrow. I wasn't expecting them today. I didn't see it.”

His face was a bloody mess, bleeding across his chin, his upper lip, his shoulder, scrapes on his arm. He couldn't move his left hand. I didn't cry. He needed me to be strong. God, if he only knew how fragile and afraid I felt right then. The idea of him leaning on me was on par with absurd in my head. But I didn't cry. I thanked the woman and the man she was with probably fifty times in the space of five minutes. The man graciously put my son's bike in my car as I helped my kid in, and we went home.

My son walked away from the bike accident with a fractured wrist, abrasions, a loose front tooth that the dentist thinks will be fine down the line. In fact, in time, he should heal just fine. He will. I won't.

Went out to my office once my son was squared away and cried my eyes out. If I could have prayed, I would have right then, and did thank dumb luck all day, and even still as I write this, and forever forward, my kid wasn't killed, or injured beyond repair for life today.

I don't pray because I don't believe in God, any god/s, or 'higher power' exist that hears me. As an atheist, what happened to my son yesterday was an accident. He was careless, and the laws of physics that say he can't move through solid objects came into play. I know this law to be true, I believe in this law because I've spent a lifetime witnessing it. I've never seen anyone walk through walls, or pass a hand through a glass, except magicians, which we all know is an illusion, a trick of eye, not physically possible.

Don't know if I was born an atheist, but I've always been an empiricist—show me, don't tell me because I won't believe you. Bible stories in religious school my parents forced me to attend until my early teens seemed absurd, as twisted as Greek myths. Why believe, blindly, in a jealous, cruel and malicious God over Zeus, or Poseidon, of equally questionable character?

There have been many times, like this bike accident with my son, I've wished I could believe in something, anything to justify events other than entropy; cruelty: indifference to anyone by self, or stupidity. Always on the outside of our religious world, at times lonely to the extreme, I went searching in my early twenties for an ideology to be a part of, where I initially discovered Taoism.

I am not a Taoist. I am an atheist, and do not believe in any 'supreme ultimate.' And though I've read the Tao Te Ching through, many times, I understand little of the poems of Laozi. It was through Taoism, however, I first heard of the concept of yin/yang. 陰陽

The Taijitu, the commonly known yin/yang symbol from 14th century China, represents a philosophy first seen in the Tao Te Ching in the 4th century BC, though many believe the concept of opposites in harmony define balance existed many millennium before the writings. Black/white, day/night, male/female, dull/bright—in yin/yang ideology, with everything there is an equal opposite occupying the same space, intertwining, even mixing, actualizing each other's existence, and keeping the natural balance of the whole, that which is all.

Heady, to be sure, but not when you break it down to what we experience daily. We can't really know happy never having felt sad. Can't have a bottom without a top. There is no such thing as right with no wrong. These are abstracted, philosophical truths. Just like physics, yin/yang's empirical proofs play out in every aspect of living, which can never be fully appreciated without death.

While I believe the yin/yang philosophy to be truth, a basic physical and metaphysical law, and innately understand the balance interconnected opposites provide, I can't help resent this fundamental aspect of natures structure in times like these when my child's life is put on the line. The cruelest, sickest, most twisted yin/yang of all is the spectacular, magnificent, all encompassing love we get to feel for our kids/fear of, or actually losing them...

14 Dead, 200 Injured from Terrorist Explosion...

Terrorist and organization responsible are known and have been found (though had to read deep into articles to find the buried name of their leader):

WEST Fertilizer Company, CEO Donald Adair

We have become intimate with the name Tesrneav, the boys from the Boston bombing, but almost no one knows the name of Donald Adair, the CEO terrorist that, "It seems this manufacturer was willfully off the grid," said Rep. Bennie Thompson, House Committee on Homeland Security.

According to Reuters, the plant stored 270 tons of highly explosive ammonium nitrate fertilizer that should have been reported to the Dept. of Homeland Security but was not. The Texas Dept. of State Health Services was aware of the dangerous chemical but failed to alert DHS.

Donald Adair is personally responsible for murdering 10 volunteer firefighters and the residents who tried to help them extinguish a fire at his WEST Fertilizer Plant site. He is responsible for leveling 50 homes, maiming 200 people, and wiping out two thirds of the emergency responders for the Texas town of West.

For money.

The Tesrnmeav brothers, at least, had a religious cause, and they only killed three, and injured way less. And they didn't destroy any homes, or communities. Yes, what they did was horrific. But where is the outrage at the terrorists within this country—the American corporations that commit acts of terrorism without ANY repercussions, or even much press. Look at any media the last five days and the Tesrneav brothers ARE the news. But not so much the far more devastating WEST Fertilizer Plant's blatant act of terrorism last Wednesday.

For money.

Evil is indifference to suffering. When the press ignores, or barely covers acts of terrorism like the WEST Fertilizer Plant explosion, they're not only irresponsible as journalists, but evil, helping promote and sustain homegrown, money-based terrorism.

PG&E murdered 8 people in San Bruno, CA in Sept. 2009, and destroyed the Crestmoor neighborhood south of San Francisco. January 2012, an independent audit from the State of California issued a report stating that PG&E had illegally diverted over $100 million from a fund used for safety operations, and instead used it for executive compensation and bonuses. Funding to fix the neglected pipelines is $769 million for a three-year increase in gas rates to US--their customers. Peter Darbee, then CEO of PG&E, received $8.4 million in total compensation in 2010, down from $10.6 million in 2009. Christopher Johns, still president of the utility, received $3.3 million in 2010, down from $3.5 million in 2009. These men are terrorists, responsible for the murder of thirteen-year-old, Janessa Greig, among the San Bruno dead, yet were PAID millions for acts of terrorism against humanity.

Why is religious jihad more interesting than our citizens genocide for money? Where the fuck is the outrage at our OWN corporate terrorists? Why isn't everyone reading this getting madder and madder with every line, and then sending this to a friend so they too become aware of the terrorism that MUST be dealt with at home, here, in the U.S. by our own corporate terrorist organizations, from PG&E to Apple (Foxconn slave labor) which globally abuses human rights? Watchdog groups and the rare social advocates who care enough to tweet more than the Tesrneav boys, can not and will not sway the press to pursue our homegrown corporate terrorists with the same fervor they present foreign enemies.

Today, now, Tweet, Update, whatever, the name of Donald Adair, CEO of West Fertilizer Plan, the latest of our own homegrown terrorists all of us need to hold responsible for crimes against humanity.

Marketing 102—Brand Loyalty

My DH was a diehard HP fan. Twenty years we've been together, from his PCs to printers he's purchased HPs. Great quality, but even better customer service, he'd tout. Have a problem, they've always helped me work it out.

Upon his insistence (over the cheaper and more powerful Toshiba I wanted), I bought an HP laptop for close to a grand online. The machine was virtually non-functional—from broken keyboard to busted wireless, and working with the constant pop-ups was almost impossible.

First call to them to replace the laptop, they claimed I wasn't operating it properly.

Bullshit.

Spent several hours constructing an email listing everything wrong with the machine, in clear, concise language, which I sent to their service dept requesting an immediate response. Didn't hear back from anyone at HP. Few days later the laptop disk started screaming a hostile noise. I called again. They agreed to take the machine and have it diagnosed and repaired, not replaced. They returned it two weeks later after replacing something about bios.

The laptop had every single problem sent in for, and a few additional problems upon return. Called HP again. Each call I waited upwards of ten or more minutes on the line before getting a rep, who was in China, Mexico, India and couldn't really help me, and another fifteen to twenty minutes of my time waiting to speak with a U.S. rep, or a manager willing to do something to fix the crap laptop they sold me.

Over the next eleven months, thirty or more calls from both me and my DH (HP reps actually hung up on him twice after announcing they wouldn't help anymore), three laptop replacements, and four diagnose and repairs, they sent us yet another new laptop that is just above barely functional. By this time I'd already purchased my Toshiba, and couldn't care less about the newest, yet still screwed up HP, except to feel my skin crawl every time their name is mentioned.

Needless to say, my DH is no longer a loyal customer of HP. In fact, we go out of our way to avoid buying from them. So do a lot of other people now, resulting in HP having to cut their workforce substantially, and their stock is still at an all time low, even in this bubble market, as they continue to lose their market share to other computer companies.

I used to be an Apple fanatic. Hard core, owned nothing but Macs. Their computers were intuitive, visual, durable, reliable. I remember laughing at my dad who owned PCs with Windows when he assured me computers were inherently unstable and supposed to crash a lot. My Macs virtually never crashed. And though it cost me $500 every time I needed a few more megs of RAM to run Adobe software, I could call Apple at 3:00a.m. and get advice on how to daisy chain my peripherals, or properly load Photoshop.

I was happy as an ignorant Apple loyalist, until I found others using PCs with Photoshop, and all the other software I used on my Macs at half of what I was spending, and they were getting way more powerful systems. And their systems weren't crashing anymore, unlike the less stable Mac OSX hard and software. In fact, even the durability and longevity Apple used to claim in their products went away. And they nixed their personal customer service. If I wanted to talk with an Apple/Mac tech, it meant either waiting impossibly long through multiple phone loops to get to them, or they referred with recorded links to online Apple FAQ forums.

The love affair with Apple is finally showing signs of waning. Takes folks awhile because so much of what Steve Jobs sold was religion—“believe in Apple and you'll be cool.” Abstractions like 'believe,' and 'cool' will only fool people for so long. The death of the marketing guru is likely the slow decline of Apple, without the quality products or customer service to command the outlandishly high prices they do. Their stock off it's all time high of $700— today, right now at $425 in an extremely bullish market, to say the least. They lose market share daily to Samsung and others. I bought a SunDisk mp3 recently because my iPod, and my son's iPod, both only a year old, would no longer hold a charge.

The arrogance of CEOs who ignore that loyalty is built on product/service benefit/s continually filling a need, is only matched by their ignorance. For a while, large companies like Apple and HP can coast on their foundations of producing good products coupled with giving a damn about their customers. However, when product, or service, or both are lost for an extended period, after a while, customers will go to competitors. And like water through a hole in a dyke, competitors will eventually rush in to fill consumer need/s.

Sick of buying fruit that never ripened, I went to return a spoiled pineapple to Safeway my DH bought. Manager told me they don't sell that brand at Safeway, and accused my husband of being confused perhaps, about purchasing the pineapple there. I went into their produce section and pulled a pineapple with the exact same brand label as the spoiled one I brought in, and demanded they replace the fruit. The encounter took almost an hour of my time, for a $2.99 pineapple. But it's Safeway's corporate policy of replacing popular brands with their own crappy versions that has ultimately killed any loyalty to them, since they clearly care more about serving themselves than me.

The $350 weekly I used to spend at Safeway, I now spend at Trader Joe's, and Target. And I'm not the only one. Trader Joe's is putting stores across the country in record numbers, and expanding existing stores selection making it easier to shop for everything at one location. Target added food and produce several years ago and offers competitive prices, way cheaper than Safeway, to gain market share. And though their clothing and other products are not bargain rates, I can return anything without a receipt to the credit card I bought it on, no hassle, and their staff has always been fast at checkout and efficient on the floor. Target's sales and stock are consistently strong, even in very down markets.

Marketing 101 is developing product/s and service/s to fulfill target market/s need/s.

Marketing 102—Consistently produce better products, and refine services to fulfill changing (and hopefully expanding) market/s need/s.

The Systemic Problem with Public Education Today

I didn't get in, mom, my daughter called me hysterically crying from school on Monday.

What? She couldn't be talking about her talent show. She insisted she'd get in, no problem, as last year a boy got on stage, threw a top hat at the judges, and he got in, she'd told us.

They didn't want me, mom, she managed through quick gasps. I wasn't good enough. And then she crumbled, lost to herself, and her value.

My heart in my throat, I told her I'd call the school and talk to whoever was in charge and find out why they didn't want her in the show. I insisted multiple times she WAS good enough, regardless of what her elementary school said. I had listened to her practicing for a week, and the last several days she was on tone, her voice strong, clear, resonant. It was mind-boggling why she didn't get in, I told her, and promised again to find out what was going on before we disconnected.

I contacted the school directly. Made the front office aware my daughter was very upset. I left messages for the principal, as well as the teachers involved with the talent show. Apparently, helping me deal with the child's heart they broke was less important than lunch, as no one got back to me, and I was unable to give my daughter any information when she got home. No one at school bothered to speak with her either.

She tried to put on a brave face--pretend it didn't really matter, though insisted she'll never try out for a talent show again. Usually singing softly to herself, she was quiet all afternoon. A few tears spilled when she thought no one was looking. Crushed me to my core.

A practiced pianist and singer, she'd wanted to try out for the talent show for years but had been too afraid to perform alone. This year, 5th grade, her last year of elementary school, two classmates asked her to do a song and routine with them. She was thrilled, especially having secured few extended friendships beyond school in her six years there.

After weeks of practicing on the playground together, and just days before the sign-up, the classmates decided to perform alone or with others. 

They don't want me anymore, mom, she cried softly. I'm not going to be in the talent show.

I gathered her in my arms. I'm so sorry. I know this was important to you, I said as I held her. But you can still be in the show. You have a beautiful voice. You dance, you move like the music is in you. I love watching you perform! Please don't let this stop you from trying out for the show. Show them all how talented you are, because you are!

She didn't believe me. I'm her mom. Of course I'd say that. Which is what she said to me, per usual—RME (roll my eyes) to be exact. There was no way she was going to perform alone.

Enter her teen brother, a practiced, studied and performing guitarist of nine years, comes into the kitchen upon listening upstairs. Feeling her shame and sadness, he offered to perform with her in her talent show. She gratefully, proudly accepted. Beyond their constant bickering, he was showing he loved her, deeply, and my beautiful daughter glowed. Proud mama moment, as well!

They choose to perform Pink's So What. My son's suggestion. He's been learning it to perform on his own in a few months. His sister happily agreed, as she loves the song (in fact, had asked him to sing it in his performance, but he wants to sing it himself).

I was tickled they'd worked out a solution with such ease, and began practicing without my prodding, until I heard the words to the song:

I guess I just lost my husband

I don't know where he went

So I'm gonna drink my money

I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope!)
I got a brand new attitude

And I'm gonna wear it tonight

I'm gonna get in trouble

I wanna start a fight

After watching Pink's video, I spoke to both of them that perhaps it wasn't the best song for the overtly Christian, conservative/Republican public elementary school my daughter attended. And while it's true, there are no cuss words, as my kids argued, and no slamming the church, or religion, or even Republicans, I insisted the words weren't appropriate for her audience and suggested they pick another song, on par with Amazing Grace.

Since we both want to sing Pink, then let's let the school decide, my daughter boldly suggested. Along with her parent-signed permission form to be turned in the next day, almost a week before the tryouts, the school required the lyrics from all singing performers. We agreed to let the school tell us if they could perform So What, or not, when they reviewed the lyrics. If the school felt it inappropriate, she'd pick something else for the try-outs.

She delivered the permission form and lyrics she'd printed out to school the next day.

Our daughter and son practiced multiple times daily. She also practiced alone in her room daily on top of that, to be on key and in sync with her brother's guitar. The day before, and the morning of the try-outs, they sounded really great. We had not heard from the school about the song choice, which our daughter touted multiple times with, See!, as if I'm ancient thinking the pop song inappropriate.

I didn't go to the try-outs. No parents were there, my daughter told me on the phone that afternoon. I dropped my son off at the school with his electric and amp and went home and watched the clock for his call. Picking them up, my daughter assured me it went well, they sounded good. According to our son, it went 'fine. She was on key and I was on time and we sounded pretty good, a lot better than any of the other five acts we watched trying out,' he assured me. He, too, was sure they'd get into the show.

When my daughter called me Monday morning and told me they didn't get in, I was floored. Teetering under the weight of her sadness, especially after all her efforts, I called the school to provide me information, and my child support, but they did neither. They denied her the opportunity to perform, while accepting the two girls she was originally slated to perform with, and sent her a message that she really isn't as good as the rest of the kids at school who consistently exclude her (involved in church activities and religious functions), and her school just publicly proved it.

After contacting the school multiple times, late afternoon I got a call from a teacher who claimed she wasn't involved with the judging, but after looking into it, the rubric the judges filled out during try-outs indicated the song my daughter sang was not appropriate. I inquired why she hadn't told us this a week ago when they reviewed the lyrics, and given my daughter the opportunity to perform another song. Her feather's ruffled, her tone clearly agitated, again she insisted her talent committee couldn't possibly review all 40 applications submitted. She quoted several lines from So What, subtly chastising me for not knowing them inappropriate, then told me they rely on the parents to know what is right and wrong, and clearly So What was wrong for children.

We do not restrict access to the books our kids read or the music they listen to. Never have. We play, and talk about music, a lot, what lyrics mean, underlying messages—like how Pink doesn't really want to start a fight. She's angry for being dissed, like our daughter felt by the two girls, and is lashing out in So What. I explained to the teacher, turns out coordinator of the talent show, that we were relying on the school to nix anything they felt inappropriate. It wasn't my call in this subtle situation (unlike our daughter choosing, say, American Idiot), but theirs.

The coordinator insisted I should have simply forbade my child from performing the song of her choice. The school did nothing wrong in failing to read what they themselves had requested, and eventually there was no point in continuing our dialog.

My daughter listened to our entire conversation. We have no secrets in our family. And I wanted to make sure she understood her rejection had nothing to do with their performance. She asked me to ask if she could pick another song, which I did, but the coordinator told us the acts had already been chosen and slated to fill the time. There was nothing she could do, nothing that should be done. We really should have known better.

Upon my request, the vice-principle contacted me via email that evening to arrange a phone conversation after she spoke with our daughter privately the following morning. I was afraid of the talk she wanted with my child, scared of the burden she'd surely place on my daughter while absolving herself and the school of culpability. Nine years and two kids going through this elementary school, and time and again I've watched educators put the onus of their screw-ups on the children, the parents, the lack of funding...etc. In all the years I've brought issues to the attention of our local public educators, maybe two teachers, and no admin, ever, have claimed responsibility for their mistakes.

The vice-principal contacted me the next morning, gushing over her dialog with my daughter, enamored by her 'extraordinary use of language.' Then she reiterated their conversation for me. She couched her speech in platitudes and soft instruction, subtly blaming my child for going into the try outs with a bad attitude after being dissed, suggesting perhaps it wasn't wise to try out for the show shouldering disappointment with something to prove. Oh, and she didn't like the word 'dissed,' told my daughter to used the word frustrated instead, in effect, instructing my child to mask feeling, well, dissed, which is way more than simply frustrated.

During their half hour talk she told my daughter she should be more aware of her audience, know what is appropriate and not by now, and learn to make better choices in the future. When my child mentioned submitting the lyrics, and thinking we'd be informed, as I did, if there was a problem, the vice-principle blamed my child for not soliciting a response after submitting her forms from the talent show coordinator, then unknown to her, if she wasn't sure about her song choice. At no time did the vice-principal say the teachers screwed up not reading the paperwork they'd requested. She never apologize for these teachers costing my daughter the opportunity to compete with something they considered more appropriate.

And the best part, the vice-principle didn't even know what she said to my daughter was wrong—ethically, morally, and worse, modeling a horrific lack of personal responsibility.

By her grace, I get that this woman really wanted to help. She's a mom of two girls, and knows how much it hurts to see your child hurt. So I listened politely then disconnected, suffocating under the weight of my disappointment. So systemic is this lack of accountability in our public education system, denial of culpability have become ingrained into the industry culture. 

Admitting to mistakes is the only way to begin correcting them.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely—then by the same wisdom, absolute autonomy [our educators enjoy today via the Teacher's Unions] absolutely undermines responsibility! And teaching our kids by example to deny mistakes, or avoid repercussions by neglecting personal responsibility for them, will ensure the society of the future to consist of self-absorbed brats, more interested in covering their ass than helping humanity thrive beyond them.

Beyond Teen Angst

I hate people, my [almost] 14 yr old son said to me, sitting at the top of the stairs this morning.

Felt like he hit me in the head with a brick.

Don't say that. It's not true (though it probably was for him right then).

You do, he sniped back at my offhanded dismissal of his feelings.

No. I don't. I don't hate anyone. Hell, I hardly know anyone. I don't try to make friends because I'm into creating. I'm self-absorbed, honey. Most creatives are. I don't have time to hang out, and be a mom, and wife, and create. So I choose to hang with just our family, and create.

Well, I don't like people, he said softly. But I knew what he meant was, they don't like me.

Sadness and concern that's been keeping me up at nights over my beautiful son's lack of friends consumed me. Again, my brain began racing, searching for ways to help him, methodology for him to actualize friendships.

At the beginning of this school year, his two closest friends since kindergarten gravitated to other groups. I never understood the friendships he had with these boys. They were both devout, practicing Christians, from very conservative families. My son is a self-proclaimed Atheist. He shared few common interests with either kid, except video games, which is what they did when they were together. And while our son was perfectly happy with this, I think the boys grew out of gaming, and with no other interests to connect them, they drifted to kids with more in common this year, leaving our son behind.

DH and I have enrolled him in music jams (he plays electric guitar since 7), robotics classes, kung fu three times a week, even Boy Scouts when he was growing up, in hopes he'd integrate, but he never really has. He relied on the two boys all these years, and since they've moved on, now finds himself very lonely.

And it breaks my heart.

Of course, we talk about things he can do, daily, to spark friendships. To his credit, he's tried several, but is consistently rejected, or ignored, or worse, bullied, especially now that he's on his own at school—an easy mark. Afraid of getting hurt, again, he shuts himself inside his head and avoids interacting, except at home, where he feels safe.

How do you know when I'm depressed? I asked him casually. You always know, even on the phone, right away, like you're plugged into me, know what I'm feeling.

I do. I hear it in your voice, see it on your face, even when you try and hide it, pretend everything's okey-dokey.

I love that you're plugged into me. It makes me feel valuable, important to you, but overall, too. You caring what I think, what I feel, validates me, empowers me. Do you understand?

Yeah. Like how you make me feel.

Yeah. He gets it. I smile. He does too.

I just don't care what most people think.

Again, it felt like he slugged me. And I knew it a lie. Why?

Well, no one outside this family cares what I think. So why should I care about them?

We sat next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip (we have a small staircase). His anger and sadness oozed off him like molasses. Rat in a maze, my mind desperately searched for ways to help my kid.

Honey, why do you live?

He looked at me quizzically.

And I don't mean because I gave birth to you. You can off yourself anytime. Living is a choice. So, why do you choose to live?

He eyed me suspiciously, looking for my angle. To experience living...

I shake my head. What does that mean?

Well...I get to taste great stuff, and feel nice stuff, like how nice your hugs feel; and do fun stuff sometimes, like play video, or cook, or when we all go into the city for Dim Sum.

But what about the not fun parts of living, and there are many, as you know, the things we all have to do, from mundane tasks to getting an education, and then a job. What justifies living through the hard times?

His eyes drifted from mine as he considered my question.

Well, dead I wouldn't be able to feel the good stuff. I wouldn't feel anything at all.

So, why do you live?

To feel.

Bingo. You are here because your dad and I gifted you life, so you'd get the experience, the opportunity to feel. But you wouldn't be here, getting to experience the magnificent gift of feeling, if not for my mother and father, and dad's mom and dad, and so on, and on, back through the generations of our families, and humanity. So, why care about people you don't know, have yet to engage with? Because you are here because of them.

Micheal (a bully at school) didn't have anything to do with me being born, mom.

Sweetie, acknowledge it or not, all of us are intricately connected. We've evolved because we've worked together, as a collective. And if we hope to gift the next generation this spectacular experience of being human, and the one after that, we're going to have to continue to care what each other thinks and feels, way beyond our own families. Know what I mean?

He grinned at me sardonically. Shook his head with a scoff.

Do yourself a favor, and do something different today. Talk to the kids at the lunch table you sit at. Or sit at a different lunch table, maybe with some kids you'd like to get to know. Then ask three questions, and engage someone at the table in dialog. And care what they answer, what they think. Question anyone's answers who seem interested in talking. Plug in, like you do to me. Empower the people around you with genuine interest, and you'll make friends.

He stared down at his hands.

I love you, baby. And I know caring beyond me, your dad, sister, gram, is scary, risky, but you gotta choose to care. The best times of your life will be remembered with people—celebrating; sharing, creating; teaching; learning; and loving...ahh, love, the most powerfully wonderful feeling of all! I threw my arm over his shoulder and he leaned into me, so I wouldn't see him crying. It took all my will not to crumble, holding him there at the top of the stairs.

Promise me you'll do something, today, to get on the path to changing your sitch.

He straightened, wiped his nose on his hoodie sleeve. Just three questions?

Yup. Start with that for today.

OK. I promise.

And with that, we began our day.

Educating the Future of America

Put an ad on Craigslist for a Video Editor. Designed a book trailer for my novel, Reverb. Did the storyboard, got the clips, had the sequencing (timing), music and text—just needed a production wiz to put it all together. Ad read 'local vendors ONLY,' since I wanted to be able to work in person if necessary, and also limit response. For what I assumed to be a couple days work in Final Cut, I offered to trade a couple days of my services as a CD/AD/MarCom specialist in my Craigslist post.

Received over 30 responses to my ad in the first two days. Five percent wanted money, ranging from $75-$1,500 for their services. Eight-five percent were willing to produce my video on trade. What surprised me—10% who responded said they'd do my video for nothing. Student, or pro-something looking to change careers, they wanted portfolio pieces.

I know what you're thinking...'you get what you pay for,' or, 'crap pay, crap product'...bla, bla...

OK. Me, too. Until I looked at everyone's reels. For the most part, the difference was negligible between the editor who wanted $1,500, and those willing to put together the video for nothing. Not really so surprising, since professional consultant to savvy student, all were on the same Final Cut Pro software, and most were on MAC Towers or high-powered Apple laptops. All were certain, and in most cases it seemed to me they could handle my video with ease, and with direction provide exactly what I wanted.

Software is the great equalizer. Sort of...

Final Cut Pro is an amazing program, making it easy, or at least the learning curve within most's reach, to create virtually professional quality movies, clips, videos, with built-in libraries of filters and FX templates. Adobe's Premium Pro does pretty much the same thing for pc and windows users. In fact, total armatures like our 11yr old daughter now creates her class presentations on Corel Video Studio, and they are blow you away beautiful—educational and engaging, light years away from the color/cut and paste reports I did back in the day.

We have entered the Do-It-Yourself, Visual Age, and most of us—student to pros are creating and sharing visually. Technology has recently provided a myriad of tools for ages 5-105 for visual expression, at our fingertips. The market is responding to demand, and continually releasing new software made simpler and more user friendly.

Cool! (for creatives, at least, which is about 10% of the population).

The cost is jobs.

Used to be it took a unionized film and editing crew of many, a production company, extensive equipment and cameras behind the actors and action to make a movie or TV show. Now, some of the most popular films and series are produced with digital cameras, and edited with the a fore mentioned software by only a few behind the scenes.

Beginning in the late '80s, the ripple effect of the Mac and subsequent creative suite of software have wiped out many, once Advertising Industry staples:

—typographers

—lithographers

—layout artists

—pre-press production

and minimized demand for:

—photographers

—photography supplies, labs and manufacturing

—animators/illustrators

—art and drafting materials/supplies (CAD replaced drawing)

—freelance personnel

—sheet-fed press (replaced by digital printing)

I'm sure I'm missing many jobs that vanished with the advent of the Mac and Adobe Creative Suite of tools— many more than the opportunities that arose with electronic publishing, such as the digital press.

In manufacturing, beyond the cheap emerging labor markets, robots now build most car components that people used to build. Restrict outsourcing or not, manufacturing will never be like it was—most of those lost jobs are not coming back. And technology will eliminate more and more labor intensive tasks as it continues to get smarter, and we teach it to perform a wider range of functions.

Retail; consumer goods—better expect spending to go down, since fewer jobs means less discretionary cash for consumers, especially for the middle class. Advances in technology will hit the middle class, the labor worker, the office admin, first, and hardest as their jobs disappear.

The disparity between the wealthy and middle class is growing rapidly, reflected by the poor holiday sales last year with so many out of work, the unemployment rate made artificially lower from those who've used their benefits and have given up looking for a job.

It is not possible, nor do I wish to go back in time to preserve jobs/careers, or restrict our advances. I love technology. Big fan! In fact, we live a digital life. Laptop are always on, and mostly open. At any time, any member of our family is actively involved in creating something—my DH: AI software modeled after the human brain; I'm writing, designing or marketing something; kids are researching online, doing homework at assigned websites, writing reports or creating presentations.

In today's world, it is not enough to simply edit video anymore, or administer work-flow, or put together cars, cell phones or computer components when huge amounts of people globally can do it as well, and are willing to do it for little* or nothing**.

Manufacturing to civil, or customer service administration—simple, repetitive jobs are no longer the foundation that supports the U.S. middle class, and a strong economy. Ours is weak right now, and will continue to be weak, grow the chasm between rich and not, unless we change the focus of our education, and fast.

It is imperative our kids become technologically adept early on, and continue to learn and stay current with advances in creative tools. The families in our neighborhood can afford the latest technology, and ours is continually exchanging knowledge on working with it, but this isn't true of most East Oakland households. This requires K-12 teachers to college profs to understand and be working with the current technology [at least] in their field of study, to then teach it. Most can't/don't. Many classrooms across the country are still without enough computers or tech support to teach even the basics.

We all have access to information about anything now via the most powerful communication tool humanity has created to date—the internet. Both my son, now 8th grade, and daughter, 5th grade, have been required to work online for school assignments since the 3^rd grade. Neither have had any instruction on internet etiquette, protocol, or security. Viruses have wiped the family laptop four times, so far, with my son or daughter clicking school assigned links. 

The jobs of tomorrow hinge on the education we give our kids today. STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) must be taught early on, and be the focal point of education today, but it's not. Introducing our kids to the amazing tools available, then teaching how to use them to realize a vision isn't enough. We must also instill in them the desire to create—explore and then develop their own ideas.

The U.S. has always perceived itself a country of creators, though not en-mass. Mostly we've been a nation where a few create and the rest of us market, or manufacture the creations. We need to switch that around—more creators than production, as electronics, robots and apps will continue to perform more of our menial (and not so menial) tasks.

We, The People, must become a nation of innovators, developers, technologists; leaders in science, medicine, global sustainability—climatically, economically and socially. Again it falls on our teachers to ignite a creative spark in their students, as parents are often too busy working, or don't understand the current [and future] job environment—that to compete globally their kid's skill set must stand out from the masses, which is now...well, the world.

*Enterprising young entrepreneur, Steve Jobs, exploited this trend by sending Apple's manufacturing overseas—both workers and materials cheaper in China for the same [or better] production of iProducts.

**Craig Newmark, Craigslist founder, began the trend of giving users the 'ability' to be free admins to monitor his site's content.

Real Price of Healthcare

Mid-January, I called the Director of Emergency Dept. for the San Ramon Regional Medical Center in regards to outstanding bills sent to collection I purposefully have not paid. The bills were generated in early April, 2012, when my son was admitted to the hospital's emergency room, referred by his primary care physician, for [poorly diagnosed] possible appendicitis. I paid the hospital only 15% to date [of an over $1,000 bill beyond insurance coverage], included in a letter to the Director in June, 2012, and nothing to their vendors—from doctor bills, to radiation, to ultrasound, because both my husband and I feel many of the procedures pushed on our son were unnecessary.

I explained this again on the phone to the Director when I called a few weeks ago in regards to this still open issue, to stop the harassing phone calls at all hours from collection agencies. The hospital had yet to contact me, even once, in response to my original letter in 2012. They cashed the check though.

During our recent call, I again questioned the SRRMC emergency procedures in response to admitting our son. The Director was polite, but insisted the hospital had done nothing wrong, that even giving my son the flu test (least expensive and fastest results) first, instead of last as they did, they would have insisted on the chest x-rays, and the ultra-sound, and the I.V. If they'd found the flu virus, as they did, first, instead of last, and I'd said no to the additional tests, satisfied with the flu results, the Director then said the hospital would have called the police and child services and had me arrested for child endangerment and taken my son from me.

I was so taken aback by this blatant threat that I questioned it's meaning, and the Director repeated it, then again and again throughout our dialog. In fact, every time I questioned anything his staff did, he threatened me with legal action. He informed me the admitting doctor who originally saw my son regularly testifies in court cases and 'handles these types of things all the time,' referring to hospital lawsuits. When I questioned him why chest x-rays for possible appendicitis, he assured me six x-rays were necessary, though two doctors had listened to my son's chest through a stethoscope and admittedly heard no congestion.

Every question I had about the hospital's rational behind the extensive procedures performed on our son, and the Director insisted had my husband or I attempted to take our son from Emergency, they would have called the police and had us arrested. He assured me we made the right decision to keep our son there until the hospital was ready to release him—six hours and, regardless of our protests, two invasive and two non-invasive procedures preformed.

Forty-five minutes into our circular dialog, the Director offered to remove the ultrasound charges from our hospital bill. I questioned why the ultrasound if my son was admitted for possible appendicitis. Why not the x-ray, or both since he'd had no symptoms of appendicitis, his abdomen was not distended, nor had he vomited, was not constipated or experience pain when urinating, as is typical with appendicitis. In fact, he was awake and alert and watching TV in the hospital bed, and his stomach pains had subsided.

The Director had no response to my questions. He retracted his offer, suggested I retrieve my son's hospital records, then challenged me to get a doctor, a pediatrician, in fact, to confirm they did anything wrong, in writing, before he would take anything off our bill. Of course, the hospital records, entered that April day by the doctor's, will not reflect our consistent protests with every recommended test, nor the three hour wait between tests with what the Director claims the hospital considered a possible life-threatening emergency. The hospital records won't reveal both my husband's and my continual pleas for the hospital to administer a simple flu test, which the nurse indicated both doctors had neglected to order until after all the expensive, invasive tests were performed.

San Ramon Region Medical Center is the closest hospital within ten miles. We'd like to be able to count on them as a medical resource, however, the Director's threats when the hospital's authority is challenged is very concerning. His basic contention [at least] in the emergency room is they can do whatever they want, to whomever they want, whenever they want without question. And this is very dangerous, indeed. My husband and I have filed a complaint against the hospital with our insurance carrier, but it's unlikely they'll take any action. They don't care about their over $12,000 bill for the treatment and procedures performed on our son. They'll just pass the loss on to their customers with higher rates, and justify the increase with rising medical costs.

ObamaCare may be the beginning, but we're still so very far from regulating medical fraud, or eliminating the need for insurance entirely by instituting fair and equitable public health care.